In Search Of Solitude
by The Untouchable Rogue
Summary: A bit of psychological reasoning on Rogue's part. An even smaller bit of resistance on Bobby's part. The two have a small bit of quiet time on the roof after Jean's death.


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In Search Of Solitude  
  
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The night was a girl's best friend.  
  
Only if she was looking for solitude, mind you, and solitude had to be captured. And then, she had to worry about befriending the darkness and the silence. Darkness made an easy friend who would protect you and shroud you in illusion, but her sister, silence, was very fickle. You had to be very wary of silence, because at any given moment, she could turn around and betray you.  
  
But Rogue happened to be on very good terms with both darkness and silence.  
  
In hot pursuit of solitude, Rogue crept through the hallways of the over- sized school, carefully padding along the floorboards. It was about one in the morning, and she couldn't sleep. As had become a ritual for her, when she couldn't sleep, she went out to the roof.  
  
She stole past the rooms of the other students, past the rooms of the staff, past that empty room that Mr Summers had evacuated when...Jean...  
  
Jean had been nice, even if Rogue could see she was toying around with Logan. She hadn't liked that. But Jean was still nice. Besides, you couldn't say bad things about dead people. That was a belief she'd been brought up with. A bit of backlash from her Sunday school Catholic upbringing.  
  
Those were just a few of the things Rogue thought about on the roof. Jean's death. Her old life, before her mutation. John leaving with Magneto. The Brotherhood. Logan. Bobby. Her skin.  
  
Sometimes, her mind ran to more frivolous things, like the stars in the sky. Or that cute, unknown boy in her History class. Books she'd read. Her favourite flavour of ice cream. Something that Jubilee had said. Something that Kitty had said. Something that everyone was saying.  
  
Right now, everyone was in a state of quiet unease and tension.  
  
Rogue opened the trap door in the ceiling, just outside of the boys wing of the school, and crept up. No one was moving. Well, they were, but they weren't awake. The enormous Russian boy, the one Kitty was staring googly- eyed at – Piotr – was snoring. So was another boy – she didn't know who that was. Bobby was making noise too; he was talking in his sleep.  
  
"...back off and...go...away...go away...Wolverine..."  
  
Rogue paused, and then resumed her climb to the roof.  
  
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//Even you saw how Bobby was pissed, when Wolverine came back last year,// her mind reasoned with her. //Even though you were practically dissolving in a puddle of drool at the mere sight of Logan, you noticed that...//  
  
But by then she'd given up on Wolverine – he was an impracticality. //No use in pining over a man who's obviously not interested. You can't just do like Jubilee and be all coy with him, wearing revealing shirts and skirts, flirting shamelessly...//  
  
Rogue sighed, reclined back on the roof, and stared at the star-kissed skies above.  
  
At that very moment, someone – a familiar someone - cleared his throat behind her.  
  
She arched her neck to look, and found Bobby. Silence had betrayed her and woken him up. She almost heaved a weary sigh of defeat, but checked herself in time.  
  
"Hey Bobby," she said softly, giving him a world-weary smile.  
  
"Hey." A curt reply, with a tense smile. He was becoming more guarded around her. It panged her to see that – in her revelation that she didn't want to pursue Wolverine anymore, she'd turned her attentions more avidly to Bobby, and they'd been met with an icy barrier (no pun intended).  
  
"What's on yoh mind?" she asked gently. She would do anything, anything, ANYTHING to break that barrier between them.  
  
"Not much," he replied, setting himself down on the roof beside her, uneasily. "Just thinking about...stuff..."  
  
Rogue smiled, looking just as uneasy. "Stuff? Could ya be a bit more specific...?"  
  
"Wolverine's meant to be leaving again." It was a rushed statement, blurted. He'd been thinking about her reaction for a long time now. He was worried she'd take it badly, and confirm all his worst fears – that she cared for the growling Canadian more than she did him.  
  
"Ah've heard," Rogue replied casually.  
  
"You're not upset?"  
  
//Not in the sense that I want to cry, no,// she wanted to say. //I'm incredibly pissed off, though. Does that count?//  
  
"No, Ah'm not really upset. His life, ain't it?"  
  
Bobby relaxed visibly and actually grinned – his ears even perked up a little more, making him look happier than he'd been for a while. Rogue could almost feel the cold wall he had up beginning to break.  
  
"I was just a bit worried for you," he said. "I mean, I know the guy's saved your life a couple of times, and, well, yeah..."  
  
//Translation: 'I can tell you had a huge crush on him',// she thought bitterly.  
  
"Yeah, well...that was years ago," Rogue said flippantly, more in reply to what was said in her own head than to his statement. She tried to conceal her embarrassment at how widespread the knowledge of her crush must've been.  
  
Bobby's grin – if possible – got even bigger, though he tried to hide it. "You're angry at him, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, Ah guess."  
  
"Why?"  
  
//Because I'm so fucking humiliated...three years of my life spent worshiping the ground he spits on, and he didn't so much as tell me that he wasn't even interested – he just pretended it wasn't happening.//  
  
"Just really pissed off with him, ya know?" she said, shrugging. "Ah'm beginnin' ta see why no one else has tha patience foh him. Ah mean, have ya ever tried ta have a conversation with him? It's all monosyllabic."  
  
Bobby laughed – actually laughed. "I did talk to him once, in the kitchen. Before that massive raid by Stryker. I think the longest sentence he said was 'so, you and Rogue, huh?'."  
  
Rogue smiled at him, actually meaning it. //Well, well. So Logan COULD notice something beyond the good Dr Grey.// Immediately, she rebuked herself for thinking like that. It wasn't Jean's fault at all. She was pretty, really...wait...  
  
Not 'was' pretty, 'had been' pretty. Had been, had been, had been...Christ, she wasn't going to get used to this any time soon.  
  
"Goin' on that recruitin' mission t'morrow?" Rogue asked, changing topics, trying not to think about Jean. Or Logan. Or anything, really.  
  
"Yeah...finals are over. Nothing better to do...unless there's something else on that you know about and I don't?"  
  
"Nothin's on. Everyone's sleepin' off their stress." Rogue shook her head. "Ah can't believe that finals are ovah, though. Ah mean, Ah just wanna jump up an' scream foh joy, then angst foh tha next handful o' months ovah mah results."  
  
Bobby shook his head. "You'll do great. Me, on the other hand...I'll be lucky if I got an average score."  
  
"Well, that's what ya get when ya spend yoh study time icin' up tha hallways foh kicks..." she teased.  
  
"You know it was funny, watching Miss Monroe fall ass-up. Admit it." Bobby grinned.  
  
Rogue laughed slightly. "Certainly wasn't her at her most prim an' proper state, huh?"  
  
They both laughed quietly, cautious of the students below them who were still sleeping.  
  
The laughter died, but tensions didn't replace it. The two of them sat, reasonably close together, closer than Rogue liked to be with most people, watching the stillness of the night. They sat in content silence for a moment, until Bobby voiced another grievance, wording it just so, once again.  
  
"What's your real name?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Rogue turned to face him. He was looking at her earnestly, eyes imploring but seemingly casual. He gave her a nervous smile, before looking away, out onto the grounds.  
  
"No one here knows you by any other name except 'Rogue'," Bobby reasoned. "C'mon, don't you wanna make a guy feel spesh?"  
  
Rogue groaned. "Ugh...all Ah wanna do right now is teach ya some good grammar..."  
  
Bobby laughed. "I'm serious, Rogue. Why not?"  
  
"It's embarrassin'."  
  
"And Robert Drake isn't?"  
  
Truth was, Rogue was reluctant, again, because of Wolverine. He was the only one in the school who knew her real name. But that same thought made her frown. Why shouldn't she tell other people? Why hadn't she, in fact?  
  
//You know why,// she thought. //You wanted so badly to give something to him, something that you wouldn't give anyone else, and that was the only intimate thing you could offer. A name. And he doesn't even use it. But Bobby will.//  
  
Bobby would understand, would see, how her name was the most intimate thing she could give. She couldn't touch. Sure, there were ways around the issue of her skin, but the idea of body stockings and holes in the sheets made her cringe. But Bobby would understand how precious a thing her name was to her now – it was exclusively for the man she cared for most. It wasn't for Logan now.  
  
"Marie...d'Ancanto," Rogue said slowly, as though she were remembering it.  
  
"Marie..." Bobby repeated, staring at her as though to fix it to her. "It suits you, actually."  
  
"It's borin'," she replied with embarrassment.  
  
"Not really. No more than Robert is."  
  
"Yeah, but ya don't go by 'Robert', do ya? Everyone calls ya Bobby."  
  
"Except the Professor," Bobby added.  
  
"Except the Professor," Rogue agreed.  
  
"But then, he's just weird."  
  
They both laughed at that. Bobby took the opportunity to lie back on the roof tiles alongside her, arms folded behind his head and his bare elbow brushing against her covered one. A content silence lapsed between them, until Rogue broke it.  
  
"Do me a favour?"  
  
"Name it."  
  
"Don't use mah name except when we're alone t'gether," she implored. "Ah don't want anyone else knowin' it."  
  
"Of course. I never was one to turn down the request of a lady."  
  
"Yoh so corny sometimes..."  
  
"You know you love it."  
  
Rogue laughed softly, then, cautiously, leaned over to him and wriggled down to snuggle up to his chest. She tucked her legs up, curling close to him, and closed her eyes, letting him feel her smile through his shirt as she drifted away to sleep. He wrapped an arm around her covered shoulders and looked up at the sky, smiling with content.  
  
"Night...Marie."  
  
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A/N: Shameless Bobby/Rogue fluff and some badly-drawn out psychological bull, I know. This is kind of a warm-up fic. I'm just practicing the art of writing fics for the movies, not just the Evo series and the comics.  
  
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